"They make fun of the way I talk, and nobody will help me." This one simple, agonizing, innocent phrase has changed the course of our lives forever, and begun a movement which has transformed into a living, breathing entity.
The support for our son, and others like him, has been overwhelming. We have been witness to a multitude of people coming together for one common goal: alleviate the threat of bullying in our schools and communities. I had no realistic expectations for this thing. I thought, 'I'll ask a few friends for some box tops, so he can at least show an effort in the fund raising for his school and I'll call it a show of support for his emotional troubles, just to make the administrators at his school aware'. Well, as luck, God, or whatever would have it, the people in our extended families and friends' network wouldn't have it. We have received box tops from hospitals, universities, special needs schools, friends, friends of friends, and yes, even a nationally renowned rock-n-roll band. We've had a national organization for families 'ask' if they could be a part of our endeavor, and have asked me to be present to field questions and discuss our situation and mission, at a meeting in Gainsville, Florida next month, while we're there on vacation. The developments have been swift and steady. I just hope I'm ready for this ride.
If there's one thing I've learned in all of this, it's that, while some people are still stupid, the majority are wonderful, caring and selfless individuals, and we have all been affected by this blight on society in some form or fashion in our lives. Truth be told, I've actually learned a lot of things, but I just don't ever like to give the impression that I don't know it all. One of these things is that if you dedicate yourself to something, and show conviction, people will respond. The last thing any of us needs, is something else to occupy our time, but persistence and ownership, through an emotional purchase, leaves us no choice but to be involved. And the degree of involvement doesn't have to be all-consuming; that's the beauty of what we're doing. If you eat, and are strong enough to tear through cardboard, or cellophane, and mail letters, or know someone who's already involved...you can help. It literally takes less than two minutes to make an impact, to affect change. I know, I've timed it.
Heading into October, National Anti-Bullying Month, we are coming to an important crossroad in our continued development. It's critical now, more than ever, to make the next move, or take the next step, whatever that may be. For me, it will be to flame the desire to follow my calling, and fulfill the promise of a duty I've sought out for over 30 years. That will include speaking to groups, reaching out to additional outlets, media and otherwise, bending the ears of anyone who will listen, and those who have not. And it will include my begging, borrowing and stealing to ensure I make every single possible effort to make this mission an inconceivable, unexplainable, unimaginable success, for Makenley and his 'friends' around the country.
Be prepared, good people. We're just getting started. The train is gaining momentum and I don't see it slowing down any time soon. What I ask of you is simple: show support for our son, or anyone you know who has been subjected to this heinous, learned behavior. Stand behind us in our fight to eradicate these unconscionable acts from our schools, our neighborhoods...our lives. Take the time to clip even one box top, to help empower the movement. You are the ones that make it happen; we merely provide the vehicle. The children deserve our attention in this matter. They deserve our 'A' game, our greatest effort. The children deserve to be "free".
Share to make aware...
Scott
You can mail your box tops and a simple note of encouragement (this will require an additional minute) to:
Makenley Deuschle
C/O Robey Elementary
8700 W. 30th St.
Indianapolis, In. 46234
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
PALS
This past weekend, I had the honor and good fortune of spending a few days with five of the greatest guys I have ever known. We laughed 'til we cried, cheered hard, ate too much and managed to re-kindle friendships that had remained bonded, although dormant for nearly thirty years.
Many of you have relationships similar to that of which I speak; a group of people you spend an enormous amount of time with in your formative years, who become family, and form a bond so tight, nothing can penetrate, or diminish, its strength regardless of the circumstances. These men are those friends, that family.
Our crew did everything together, back in the day. We went on road trips together, spent time at each others' houses, celebrated successes and endured failures together. We tolerated each other, despised one another, were, at times, mischievous and unlawful in our actions, and honorable in our loyalty, to a fault. In a phrase: we always had each others' backs, unconditionally.
Before last Friday, it had been twenty eight years since we'd all been under the same roof and it was as if we had never left. Special relationships and true friendships work that way. They allow you the latitude to work on various aspects of your life and personality, to forge careers and begin families, and have an impact on a wide variety of people whose lives you come in contact with. Special relationships are true and reflect themselves in your daily interaction with co-workers, family and other friends you may make along the way. Special relationships allow you to re-convene after a three decades long recess and say, 'Now, where were we?'
We are a partner in an IT management firm, a media relations educator, a grad student with a distinguished military career in two different branches of the service, an IT banking professional, and me. We all came from very humble beginnings and gathered in support of another no chance, small town friend who has worked, sacrificed, toiled and fought to become the Director of Athletic Bands at one of the most prestigious universities in the south, if not the country. As I sat there watching his group perform on Saturday, I had immense pride and, as I looked down the line at my friends in the stands, I couldn't help but wonder, 'How does this happen to a bunch of guys like us?' 'How did we evolve from that gang of misfit adolescents, to this?' Then, almost immediately, I realized its because we had each other. We had a built in support system that would not let us fail individually, or collectively, and that support was unwavering.
From the time we entered the house, until we departed for home, it was as if we had been transported back in some imaginary time machine. We made a quantum leap back into the bodies we occupied as impressionable teenagers, and it was awesome. We recounted stories, both happy and sad, called each other out when we were full of it, played pranks on one another, re-fashioned our legacies, lied to each other and added bricks and other fortified layers to our friendships.
While I may be sad at the moment, I am happy that we have all matured enough to realize, life is unpredictable and doesn't go on forever, and that in this life there is nothing more valuable than true friends and family. These men are representative of both. We have now vowed to make a similar pilgrimage each year, spending a few precious days to honor our friendships and demonstrate the importance of a lasting legacy to our own family and children, in hopes that one day they will be able to experience the same type of fulfillment in their own personal relationships.
Jeff, Mick, Burke, Dan and Bun, you are my brothers and I love you guys. Here's to forever remaining...Pals.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
Many of you have relationships similar to that of which I speak; a group of people you spend an enormous amount of time with in your formative years, who become family, and form a bond so tight, nothing can penetrate, or diminish, its strength regardless of the circumstances. These men are those friends, that family.
Our crew did everything together, back in the day. We went on road trips together, spent time at each others' houses, celebrated successes and endured failures together. We tolerated each other, despised one another, were, at times, mischievous and unlawful in our actions, and honorable in our loyalty, to a fault. In a phrase: we always had each others' backs, unconditionally.
Before last Friday, it had been twenty eight years since we'd all been under the same roof and it was as if we had never left. Special relationships and true friendships work that way. They allow you the latitude to work on various aspects of your life and personality, to forge careers and begin families, and have an impact on a wide variety of people whose lives you come in contact with. Special relationships are true and reflect themselves in your daily interaction with co-workers, family and other friends you may make along the way. Special relationships allow you to re-convene after a three decades long recess and say, 'Now, where were we?'
From the time we entered the house, until we departed for home, it was as if we had been transported back in some imaginary time machine. We made a quantum leap back into the bodies we occupied as impressionable teenagers, and it was awesome. We recounted stories, both happy and sad, called each other out when we were full of it, played pranks on one another, re-fashioned our legacies, lied to each other and added bricks and other fortified layers to our friendships.
While I may be sad at the moment, I am happy that we have all matured enough to realize, life is unpredictable and doesn't go on forever, and that in this life there is nothing more valuable than true friends and family. These men are representative of both. We have now vowed to make a similar pilgrimage each year, spending a few precious days to honor our friendships and demonstrate the importance of a lasting legacy to our own family and children, in hopes that one day they will be able to experience the same type of fulfillment in their own personal relationships.
Jeff, Mick, Burke, Dan and Bun, you are my brothers and I love you guys. Here's to forever remaining...Pals.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Box Tops Against Bullying
At the risk of beating this horse beyond recognition, I'm going to venture up on to my soapbox one more time to discuss the importance of this topic, but perhaps not for reasons you might think.
I get extremely uneasy when people say things like, 'You're an amazing parent', or 'You guys are super heroes'. Fact is, I'm flawed. I struggle daily to maintain my sanity and continue to champion the causes we all champion because, well, frankly, it's exhausting. It's difficult enough raising kids that don't necessarily face a lot of the same challenges that a special needs child might. When you add that element to the mix, it's like lighting a match to a petroleum plant. Maintaining a healthy balance with work, spouse and family becomes a near impossible task and the day-to-day grind is enough to make you want to curl up in a ball and rock yourself to sleep. So, while family and friends' intentions are always positive and well founded, they aren't always accurate. I'm not a super hero, I'm a parent. Will I use a super heroic determination and strength to support and protect my children? Absolutely; one young man in particular.
By now, most of you who keep up with my postings know about Makenley and the challenges he faces each day from the time he wakes up, goes to school and back, then right up to the point he falls asleep. He is a stubborn, charismatic, loving, impulsive, humorous and intelligent individual and he is going through a difficult transitional period right now. With the onset of puberty and an awareness that coincides with this fascinating element of adolescence, comes a certain degree of uncertainty and confusion. It's difficult to find balance between peer interaction, the pressures this evolution can invite, scholastic initiative and the essential role each facet plays in one's personal development. When you include the internal demons that invade the little bodies of a special needs child, everything from wanting to be normal physically, to the nagging desire to fit in emotionally, it can, at times, be too much to bear. After the latest rounds of emotional instability, I found myself searching for something, anything that could ease this heavy load from my amazing son's shoulders; anything that could take his mind off the turmoil he was facing each day, and bring him a bit of peace and happiness. The funny thing about this period of time in particular, is, each day he would come home talking about how he needed these box tops. Day after day, "Dad, did you get any box tops today?" When I responded each time with a negative response, or anything other than that which he wanted to hear, I got sighs, groans and even a few monumental tantrums. All over these stupid box tops. Then he explained it to me. And it made sense. His school, like so many others, uses the box tops for education program as a means to help raise funds, and provide other ancillary supports for the enhancement of the students that attend there. This is a fundraising effort he was excited about and wanted to participate in, and that was good enough for me. If he can find a particular passion in a program like this, who am I to dissuade him? The problem for him is, me being me, I couldn't let it go at that. I decided that this effort could provide a wonderful, legitimate platform to accomplish a couple of important goals, all within the parameters of this one, simple, established program. We can use this initiative as a means to support him in his efforts to do well for the school and show solidarity for his other prevalent issue of late, bullying.
Could there be a more perfect way for strangers, united in a national struggle to lift the spirits of one young man, to interact than to clip out a cardboard box top, put it in an envelope with a 'forever' stamp and mail it to his home, or school? I mean, we all eat, right? And I would venture to say nearly everyone reading this posting has a box of cereal, or other dry boxed goods, containing one of these box tops. I understand a certain faction will reply by saying, 'Yes, but my children use the program too and I feel a need to support them'. Great. You're acting in their best interest, as any parent would do. But I'm not asking anyone to forgo their obligations locally. I'm saying, send 1, or 5, or 10 to support this cause and communicate to our society that this behavior is not tolerable, we recognize the issue at hand and we are determined to make a difference. And you know what? You may just have, living under your roof, a selfless, compassionate little guy, or girl, who understands what this young man is going through and can empathize in a way we are not capable of empathizing as adults, and volunteers their own collection, as at least one child of a supportive parent has done for Makenley.
It's an issue we're all aware of, all support and most remain silent about, because either a) it hasn't affected us personally, or b) it's a taboo subject and we want to believe in the best in people, that people are incapable of such behaviors and thus, choose not to act. The great thing about what I'm proposing here is, you can still show the same degree of support, but you get to do it anonymously.
You don't have to have children to participate. You don't even have to like children. All you need is a core belief that the act of bullying is inexcusable, and a willingness to go to your mailbox. We all have friends (well, most of us), relatives, co-workers, organizations, clubs, churches and the like that we can draw from, gain encouragement from, brainstorm with and who are eager to a-f-f-e-c-t change. We have youth groups and pep bands, and athletic organizations in our schools who already give so much, so unselfishly. Use these people. Recognize the potential in each of us to do better; to reach out when someone needs a certain degree of support, lift them up and show the world they are special. They are all special. You don't even have to live in is country to have an impact. You just have to have a heart, a compassionate soul and a little bit of drive, literally and figuratively.
I encourage you all, all over the country and globally, to support this effort, this movement. Help me obtain my personal stated goal of overwhelming our school and community with this worthwhile cause. The children are crying out. They need our help. They deserve our action. Take a minute and share this information on your social networking sites, or email, or whatever means you choose and get people involved. It time for real change. It's time to realize, even one more lost soul is one too many. It's time to change the system.
Anyone wishing to contribute can reach me privately for our home address, or you can simply mail your 'box tops for education' box tops to:
Makenley Deuschle
C/O Robey Elementary
8700 W. 30th St.
Indianapolis, In. 46234
Feel free to include a note of support and encouragement and force our administrators to acknowledge and recognize, we are aware of how real this issue has become and we won't be satisfied until it has been eliminated as a threat to the well being of our children.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
I get extremely uneasy when people say things like, 'You're an amazing parent', or 'You guys are super heroes'. Fact is, I'm flawed. I struggle daily to maintain my sanity and continue to champion the causes we all champion because, well, frankly, it's exhausting. It's difficult enough raising kids that don't necessarily face a lot of the same challenges that a special needs child might. When you add that element to the mix, it's like lighting a match to a petroleum plant. Maintaining a healthy balance with work, spouse and family becomes a near impossible task and the day-to-day grind is enough to make you want to curl up in a ball and rock yourself to sleep. So, while family and friends' intentions are always positive and well founded, they aren't always accurate. I'm not a super hero, I'm a parent. Will I use a super heroic determination and strength to support and protect my children? Absolutely; one young man in particular.
By now, most of you who keep up with my postings know about Makenley and the challenges he faces each day from the time he wakes up, goes to school and back, then right up to the point he falls asleep. He is a stubborn, charismatic, loving, impulsive, humorous and intelligent individual and he is going through a difficult transitional period right now. With the onset of puberty and an awareness that coincides with this fascinating element of adolescence, comes a certain degree of uncertainty and confusion. It's difficult to find balance between peer interaction, the pressures this evolution can invite, scholastic initiative and the essential role each facet plays in one's personal development. When you include the internal demons that invade the little bodies of a special needs child, everything from wanting to be normal physically, to the nagging desire to fit in emotionally, it can, at times, be too much to bear. After the latest rounds of emotional instability, I found myself searching for something, anything that could ease this heavy load from my amazing son's shoulders; anything that could take his mind off the turmoil he was facing each day, and bring him a bit of peace and happiness. The funny thing about this period of time in particular, is, each day he would come home talking about how he needed these box tops. Day after day, "Dad, did you get any box tops today?" When I responded each time with a negative response, or anything other than that which he wanted to hear, I got sighs, groans and even a few monumental tantrums. All over these stupid box tops. Then he explained it to me. And it made sense. His school, like so many others, uses the box tops for education program as a means to help raise funds, and provide other ancillary supports for the enhancement of the students that attend there. This is a fundraising effort he was excited about and wanted to participate in, and that was good enough for me. If he can find a particular passion in a program like this, who am I to dissuade him? The problem for him is, me being me, I couldn't let it go at that. I decided that this effort could provide a wonderful, legitimate platform to accomplish a couple of important goals, all within the parameters of this one, simple, established program. We can use this initiative as a means to support him in his efforts to do well for the school and show solidarity for his other prevalent issue of late, bullying.
Could there be a more perfect way for strangers, united in a national struggle to lift the spirits of one young man, to interact than to clip out a cardboard box top, put it in an envelope with a 'forever' stamp and mail it to his home, or school? I mean, we all eat, right? And I would venture to say nearly everyone reading this posting has a box of cereal, or other dry boxed goods, containing one of these box tops. I understand a certain faction will reply by saying, 'Yes, but my children use the program too and I feel a need to support them'. Great. You're acting in their best interest, as any parent would do. But I'm not asking anyone to forgo their obligations locally. I'm saying, send 1, or 5, or 10 to support this cause and communicate to our society that this behavior is not tolerable, we recognize the issue at hand and we are determined to make a difference. And you know what? You may just have, living under your roof, a selfless, compassionate little guy, or girl, who understands what this young man is going through and can empathize in a way we are not capable of empathizing as adults, and volunteers their own collection, as at least one child of a supportive parent has done for Makenley.
It's an issue we're all aware of, all support and most remain silent about, because either a) it hasn't affected us personally, or b) it's a taboo subject and we want to believe in the best in people, that people are incapable of such behaviors and thus, choose not to act. The great thing about what I'm proposing here is, you can still show the same degree of support, but you get to do it anonymously.
You don't have to have children to participate. You don't even have to like children. All you need is a core belief that the act of bullying is inexcusable, and a willingness to go to your mailbox. We all have friends (well, most of us), relatives, co-workers, organizations, clubs, churches and the like that we can draw from, gain encouragement from, brainstorm with and who are eager to a-f-f-e-c-t change. We have youth groups and pep bands, and athletic organizations in our schools who already give so much, so unselfishly. Use these people. Recognize the potential in each of us to do better; to reach out when someone needs a certain degree of support, lift them up and show the world they are special. They are all special. You don't even have to live in is country to have an impact. You just have to have a heart, a compassionate soul and a little bit of drive, literally and figuratively.
I encourage you all, all over the country and globally, to support this effort, this movement. Help me obtain my personal stated goal of overwhelming our school and community with this worthwhile cause. The children are crying out. They need our help. They deserve our action. Take a minute and share this information on your social networking sites, or email, or whatever means you choose and get people involved. It time for real change. It's time to realize, even one more lost soul is one too many. It's time to change the system.
Anyone wishing to contribute can reach me privately for our home address, or you can simply mail your 'box tops for education' box tops to:
Makenley Deuschle
C/O Robey Elementary
8700 W. 30th St.
Indianapolis, In. 46234
Feel free to include a note of support and encouragement and force our administrators to acknowledge and recognize, we are aware of how real this issue has become and we won't be satisfied until it has been eliminated as a threat to the well being of our children.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
Sunday, September 1, 2013
"They Make Fun Of The Way I Talk, And Nobody Will Help Me"
I had about fifty light-hearted, funny (in my mind, anyway) topics ready to go, when this one jumped to the forefront of my conscience and made me think, 'the other fluff can wait'. It's been ongoing for some time, and we've seen some of the signs: "forgotten" homework assignments, voluntary isolation, defiance at home; we've even scheduled a case conference, one month into the school year to update his IEP. But, it didn't really smack me in the face, or become crystal clear, until this morning when my son broke down and, upon my asking what was wrong with him, responded by saying, "They make fun of the way I talk, and nobody will help me."
To understand the issue at hand you need to understand my son. He was born with a condition; no, a disease I referenced in an earlier post called, Schizencephaly. I understand the majority have never heard of this disease, but may be familiar with the layman's root disease, Cerebral Palsy. Our son doesn't have a lot of classic signs. In fact, if you were to meet him for the first time, initially you may think he's a normal, healthy 11-year-old boy which, in many ways, turns out to be true. What you do recognize over time, are subtle differences such as the limp, the under-developed right arm, a propensity for drooling and...his speech. He has worked very hard in all phases of his young life, but this area is becoming more prominent socially and has caused him great personal embarrassment and discomfort, especially in a learning environment where he may be called on and encouraged to speak in front of his peers. He first brought this subject matter to my attention last year, when he mentioned that he didn't like himself and wondered why God made him so that people couldn't understand him. We talked a little bit about the unique nature of each of us individually and even worked on some solutions in his therapy sessions, which seemed to help, at least on the surface. He was responding more in class, his peers were apprised of his new speech techniques and everything seemed to be on the upswing. That was then, this is now.
It's sad to think about, really; why it's human nature to be cruel to each other, especially at such a young age. We, personally, are not unreasonable people. We understand, 'kids will be kids'. But, what kind of children pick on another child with a disability? Not that there should be degrees of acceptable bullying; all bullying is unacceptable. But, to conscientiously choose to say and do mean-spirited things to a peer who is physically inferior in most aspects? This is not normal adolescent behavior. This is a learned behavior, and it is disgusting and reprehensible. Don't believe people like this exist? Read the letter from the "concerned" Canadian citizen, which is currently circulating the social networking sites.
After my son and I had our initial conversation about the current state of his social situation, I immediately sent off an email to the principal of the school letting him know this was an issue in his school, at least in one known instance, and probably more. You know the adage, where there's smoke, there's fire. He replied back with the standard bureaucratic response, that this behavior was not acceptable in their school or school system, they would investigate and take appropriate action, blah, blah, blah...bull s***. Here we are, not 6 months later, re-convening a meeting, and topic, that were allegedly discussed and resolved at that time; taking time to update standards in our son's learning regiment, not due to a lack of comprehension, but due to a lack of oversight, regarding the hottest of hot-button topics in our academic society today. Why? What..are..we..afraid of?!? Is it wrong to hold ourselves, as responsible adults, to a higher moral standard, to be decent to each other and stop all of the senseless hatred and negativity? What in the world is ever accomplished by acting this way? Do people, in general, really feel better about themselves, or sleep better at night, knowing they've managed to make another human being feel absolutely miserable? It's deplorable and it's about time somebody had the guts, starting from the top down, to change this pervasive attitude in our communities. That's the platform, right? C-h-a-n-g-e? Put your money where your mouth is.
I'm not willing to have one more conversation with my incredibly heroic son, where he tells me he can't stand himself, he doesn't know why he was 'made different', or doesn't want to live. This is not his issue. He is not to blame. This one is on us, and we need to grow up, act like adults and O-W-N it, because the only statistic I'm going to allow him to become, is the one where he defies all of the odds and accomplishes all of the great things that are inside of him. He deserves that. They all do.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
It's sad to think about, really; why it's human nature to be cruel to each other, especially at such a young age. We, personally, are not unreasonable people. We understand, 'kids will be kids'. But, what kind of children pick on another child with a disability? Not that there should be degrees of acceptable bullying; all bullying is unacceptable. But, to conscientiously choose to say and do mean-spirited things to a peer who is physically inferior in most aspects? This is not normal adolescent behavior. This is a learned behavior, and it is disgusting and reprehensible. Don't believe people like this exist? Read the letter from the "concerned" Canadian citizen, which is currently circulating the social networking sites.
After my son and I had our initial conversation about the current state of his social situation, I immediately sent off an email to the principal of the school letting him know this was an issue in his school, at least in one known instance, and probably more. You know the adage, where there's smoke, there's fire. He replied back with the standard bureaucratic response, that this behavior was not acceptable in their school or school system, they would investigate and take appropriate action, blah, blah, blah...bull s***. Here we are, not 6 months later, re-convening a meeting, and topic, that were allegedly discussed and resolved at that time; taking time to update standards in our son's learning regiment, not due to a lack of comprehension, but due to a lack of oversight, regarding the hottest of hot-button topics in our academic society today. Why? What..are..we..afraid of?!? Is it wrong to hold ourselves, as responsible adults, to a higher moral standard, to be decent to each other and stop all of the senseless hatred and negativity? What in the world is ever accomplished by acting this way? Do people, in general, really feel better about themselves, or sleep better at night, knowing they've managed to make another human being feel absolutely miserable? It's deplorable and it's about time somebody had the guts, starting from the top down, to change this pervasive attitude in our communities. That's the platform, right? C-h-a-n-g-e? Put your money where your mouth is.
I'm not willing to have one more conversation with my incredibly heroic son, where he tells me he can't stand himself, he doesn't know why he was 'made different', or doesn't want to live. This is not his issue. He is not to blame. This one is on us, and we need to grow up, act like adults and O-W-N it, because the only statistic I'm going to allow him to become, is the one where he defies all of the odds and accomplishes all of the great things that are inside of him. He deserves that. They all do.
Until tomorrow,
Scott
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