Why They Dance...FTK

"In our work, we see reason, 

To give kids a chance,

We know they'll move mountains, 

This is why we dance."

They told us it would be a time we would never forget. What they didn't prepare us for, however, was the sense of loss, and just how abruptly it would all come to an end...

The Invitation

Approximately ten months ago, my wife happened across a gentleman, while shopping, who struck up a conversation, and before long the talk turned to their kids. He talked about his son, and the difficulties he had been going through, and happened to mention the fact that they were involved with a group associated with Riley Hospital For Children, organized by, and partnered with, Indiana University, called the Indiana University Dance Marathon.

What made this conversation so unique, is that our son, Makenley, also has extensive history with Riley, and some very dear friends of ours were preparing for their own Dance Marathon at the University of Florida, with their son Nick, who happens to be best friends with Makenley. The most interesting aspect, to me, is that I had just spoken to Nick's father that day, and he encouraged me to attempt to get involved with IU's Marathon, as it would be a memorable experience for our son. Little did we know, just a few short hours later, a chance encounter, with a complete stranger, would lead us somewhere we never dreamed imaginable. A few hours later, this gentleman offered my wife, unsolicited, the name of a contact with IUDM, and suggested she contact her. He assured my wife they would welcome us with open arms. 

I emailed Annie, the Riley Family Relations chair, the next day and, true to the word of a stranger, she graciously invited us to become a part of the experience and gave us a chance to do something extraordinary for our son, sharing his story and allowing us to say 'Thank You', to so many who have helped us on our journey. At the close of her initial response to my queary, Annie closed with,

Welcome to our IUDM family!!!

Family, or families, is the foundation of what they do with Dance Marathon. A generous portion of time is given to socializing with the families throughout the year, through different events, which bring together the children for whom the money is raised, and the students, who volunteer so much of their time, selflessly and tirelessly.

The time invested getting to know these people, is one of the most influential and memorable aspects of the marathon involvement. Events such as the Easter egg hunt in the spring, baseball in the summer, and visits to the children's museum and IU football in the fall, all play an integral part in forming these lasting bonds, driving the students toward their fundraising goals, with purpose, and breathing life into the word 'family'.

If there is one certainty in all of this, at the risk of sounding cliché, it's that it truly is an extended family.

We weren't expecting this

From the time we arrived, on Marathon weekend, we were completely overwhelmed. Upon entry to our room, the first thing noticeable was the gift basket, "swag bag", and homemade greeting card, offering well wishes and greetings to Makenley and his siblings. Inside were items of interest, for each of the kids, suggested to his 'Riley Buddy' approximately a week earlier, when she inquired as to each of their likes. Her request was made in such a nonchalant manner, I didn't even think twice about her making a shopping list, which is apparently just what she did, because she didn't..miss..a thing. There were books, and toys, and gift cards, and shirts, and tickets, and treats, and on and on. The time spent on this detail said, unbeknownst to us at the time, just how much preparation and detail went into the event, of which we were about to become a small part. 

Becca, her sorority sisters, and fellow committee members went way above and beyond here, and this was just the beginning...

Our Buddy Becca

Shortly after my initial email to Annie, we were paired with Makenley's Buddy, Becca. Little did we know, at the time, just how much of a pivotal role she would play in the lives of our kids. We first met Becca at the Easter egg hunt and, from the beginning, it was sensed that she would be a perfect match for our son and his siblings. She integrated herself seamlessly into their 'circle', and interacted with each of them, effortlessly, on their own level. The fact that they were 2, 5, 10 and 11, respectively, makes this a most impressive feat. She was patient, kind and attentive, which were all qualities we expected in this experience, but the impact of which were impossible to predict, until the dividends were paid on Marathon weekend.

Our kids cannot stop talking about her. The other day, while they were getting ready to leave for school, I had this exchange with my youngest, as I tied his shoes...

"Daddy, where are we going?"

"You're going to school."

"Is Becca going to be there?"

"No, buddy. Becca is going to her own school."

"I wish we could go to her school..."

You see, this is what I was told, and could not grasp, until being led through this process. These students are ultimately not your "buddies", they are an extension of your family, another sibling to your children and, most assuredly, a friend for life. Our only regret is that we were unable to spend more time getting to know her, leading up to IUDM. Now that the weekend has passed, and there is more free time for all, we have made a pledge to utilize that time, sharing new experiences and learning more about each other.

This is the reality of the life span of 36 hours. This is the impactful nature of the philanthropy of others. This is what opened our eyes to the truth; these kids are dedicated to changing the lives of those in need, specifically the children of Riley Hospital. Every fundraising event, planning meeting, family gathering and stress filled, fatigue laden hour, has led to this: The greatest 36 hour window of all of our lives. Becca is amazing, and she has friends...

Meet the random cast of characters

We've met Annie. She opened our door to this amazing world. 

Then there's Janaki, Director of Riley Development. She spends countless hours ensuring all events go off without a hitch, and making sure every email and phone call is returned and question is answered. I'm not exactly sure where her energy comes from, but I have faith it is an extension of her conviction to this honorable cause. She is a true champion, in every sense of the word, and the families love her.

Aaron was a committee member, who happened upon our toddler at the Lego table, Friday night. On this first night of the Marathon, Aaron did not move from his position at that table, and fielded every inquisition, pieced together every block and faced the wrath and adoration of our exhaustive little person, for 2 hours straight. I feel sorry for Aaron.

Meet Michael. Michael was rebounding baskets for Makenley, for about 45 minutes, when I walked over and struck up a conversation with him. He let me know he was from Illinois, was a freshman at IU, and had been diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma, 18 short months earlier. Michael also informed me that after 8 months, and 30 rounds of chemo, he was cancer free. When I asked him what brought him to the Marathon, he stated that when he learned of the event, he felt he needed to be there, and that it was his honor to rebound balls for our son.

There's the young man from Boston, who shared his energy bar with Makenley, encouraging him to push through to the end of the Marathon, and impressed by his athletic ability.

The spirit continued with Leigh, and Emma, and Mitch; Nina and Drew, and countless others who randomly introduced themselves to us, wished Makenley well, and spent hours entertaining ALL of our children.

And I can't forget our last encounter, on the day of the reveal, with the young man who wandered over to Makenley and me when he saw us enter the venue. He extended his hand to my son, told him he had heard me tell his story the night before and was moved. He then handed Makenley a large letter "T", from the infamous FTK slogan, and let him know he had been holding it all night, but that Makenley deserved to have it as a memento of the weekend. Then he turned and walked away, as if this were just normal.
This is what they do, not because they have to, out of some sense of duty, but because they are dedicated, and it is built into their DNA. This is what makes them all so incredibly special...

Why they dance

IUDM is made up of many groups of dancers. Some are dance teams, made up primarily of fraternities and sororities. Others are committee members, and some are individual groups. There are a multitude of 18 hour dance groups, and a 36 hour dance group. All of them have two things in common: 1) They are all present supporting the children of Riley Hospital and their families, and 2) They all have to pay, or raise funds, in various amounts, for the honor to dance; and they come by the thousands.

It's an exhausting, fatigue-filled, emotionally taxing experience. But, to a person, they will each tell you it's worth every minute, and every ounce of blood, sweat and tears.

What makes all the difference, and pushes these students past the brink, are the testimonials; the stories of the struggles of each child, some of whom have been lost, but all of whom have been touched and affected by the money raised through this event. How can you quit, when you are listening to a child tell you to suck it up and stay the course because, compare to 4 months lying stationary in a bed, 36 hours is 'child's play', if you will...

What's next?

This is the part that's not in the brochure; the part no one will tell you about, because, mainly, no one wants to think about it: The End.

After months of planning, and coordinating trips, time spent with your 'buddies', and the best weekend ever...it's over. Done. Period. As you stand there staring blankly at the results of the efforts of these thousands of heroes, tears streaming down your face, all you are left with is, 'Where do I go now?'

There is a tangible withdrawal cycle; pure grief, if we're being completely honest. Some might say it's almost like losing someone close to you. There are no good-byes, or happy photo ops. It's just a bunch of people, doing their best to pick up the pieces and move forward.
But, it's also much more than that. It's a throng of those who, although emotionally drained, and vulnerable, are inspired to do it all again next year; people who get why they do what they do, and feel compelled to make a difference.

This is what is next. This is the perspective we've gained from opening ourselves up to the raw feelings, and lasting relationships which will reveal themselves once there has been a moment to rest; knowing there are those who can't. 

This is life; the realization of love and loss, and moving forward...and dancing.

Until tomorrow,

Scott