October 10, 2013
Robey Elementary Administration:
I am writing to you today on behalf of Makenley Deuschle. I have never met Makenley, but then I don’t need to. I know his father, Scott, and have known him since he was in Elementary School. He was a friend and classmate to my brother. I always liked Scott. He was witty and a generally nice kid. I even took him to see Bruce Springsteen when I was in college (small lapse, on my part).
I have an intimate connection to Makenley, even though we have never met. I have 2 children from Russia. My husband & I went to Russia in 1998 to adopt our son, and in 1999 to adopt our daughter. During that time, I had lost contact with Scott and was busy loving, and trying to raise, 2 very different Russian orphans. All my husband and I wanted were children to love, no matter the risk or consequences. Thankfully, I found Scott again, on face book, and was introduced to his wonderful kids.
We were told our son would be “slow”, at best, but we brought him home, loved and nurtured him. To our surprise, and good fortune, he was/is a very bright child, full of life, energy, endurance, and the world is his to conquer. All this, despite being diagnosed as “failure to thrive” upon his arrival to the US. Our daughter, Tonia, was not so fortunate. Her mother and father drank. She was underweight, born with a horrible infection, and spent the first 45 days of her life, alone in a hospital. After 7 months of neglect by her parents, the Russian courts removed her from her family and placed her in an orphanage, where she remained until she was 2 ½ years old. No parenting; no love; no direction. Just another child in a room of 15.
Tonia struggles. She is socially awkward and immature. She has never really had a “friend”. She struggles in school. She has frequent outbursts in school, and does not really fit in anywhere. She looks like anybody else, but she is absolutely NOT like anyone else. Her deficits are mental, psychological/cognitive and emotional. It is terrible, & my heart breaks often. Sometimes, she is really hard to love, but love her we do. And we will continue to love her until the day when we are no longer here. She is our daughter.
School is her “worst” place to be. She doesn’t fit in. She likes to dress differently. She “clings” to friends and smothers them. They think she is strange. When she can’t get her schoolwork done, or has trouble concentrating, or gets frustrated, she acts out. The kids think she is weird and call her names. Oh, we’ve been to Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Speech Therapists, Play Therapists, Psychologists, Reactive Attachment Specialists, and so on. No one can really “pinpoint” her problem, but she does have a diagnosis of Expressive Language Disorder (plus and IEP), since the 1st grade. She is on medication now for anxiety and ADHD. Today she is much better, but it has NOT been an easy road. Being a teenager and trying to fit in with hormonal children has been particularly difficult. When she cut her hair short this year, she was tormented and teased, called a boy, called names, etc. We counseled and guided her about what to do. No one at school was really aware, until the day she “exploded” and told her entire class (at the top of her voice) where they could go and what they could do. Yes, I got the call from the school about her behavior, and was informed they had no idea she was being teased. Yep, she held it all in until she couldn’t take any more. She “let them have it”! She didn’t get in trouble, and the 2 worst kids were reported to the principal and to their parents. Things quieted down, for awhile.
Kids don’t “want” to be different. Special needs kids don’t “ask” to be different. Some kids don’t have the skills, or the parents, or the support, or the ability to “fit in”. They just want to belong and feel “included”. These children are the victims. I know there are hundreds of children in one school, there isn’t enough supervision, that teachers don’t see everything. I have a family full of educators, so I know ALL about it. But, I have a daughter who has had pain. She has come home crying and wants to know why people make fun of her, and why she has to be so different. We talk about how God doesn’t make mistakes, but she doesn’t want to hear that. She just wants to belong. When your child comes home and finally opens up about how much she hates herself and thinks it would be better if she wasn’t here, that’s when you “really” wake up. As a parent, YOU want to hurt someone. You want them to feel the pain. But you know it’s wrong. But all you know is that your child feels like it would be easier if they weren’t here. They just want to be anywhere, but here. When you hear that from your child, YOU eventually break into tears yourself. It is THE worse feeling ever. I would do anything to take their pain.
I have gone on for far too long. I am educated. I am a Nurse Practitioner with 28 years of service. I say service, because I am a caregiver. When people hurt, I hurt. I have worked in the Pediatric ICU, and seen a child beaten by their parents. It’s no wonder some kids turn out the way they do. We can’t change every child or patient, but I will continue to try with all that I am to make a difference in every person that I meet. It’s a hard job, and a lot of the time it can be thankless. But, when you make a difference to one person, it makes it all worth it.
Thank you for letting me share my story with you. Thank you helping, and loving, and supporting Makenley. It may be hard to focus on one child, but maybe that one child is the one you will make a difference for. You may be the one who helps them over that hill. You may build their confidence. They will know you are there for them. On behalf of all children who suffer because of a bully, I thank you for all you do to “stop this insanity”. We can’t lose anymore of our “special” kids. If we don’t stand for them, who will??
Sending you thanks for your work with children. Sincerely,
Lynn M. Allmond
Share To Make Aware,
Scott
No comments:
Post a Comment