No Shave November?...I Don't Get It

My wife approached me ever so cautiously the other day, staring in horror as if my 'Oprah toe' were on fire, or my third eye had a sharp object protruding from its socket, and asked in that ever-so-macabre Hitchcock-esqe tone, "What is that fur crawling up the side of your face and down into what used to be your pectoral region?"
"It's 'No Shave November', honey.", I retorted proudly.
"'No Shave November'. I don't get it, but it sounds stupid.", she snootily shot back, spinning on her heels at a hasty pace, so as not to miss the latest Grand Posting of the gluten-free alternative to the timeless holiday classic fruit cake recipe on Pinterest.

This is not an odd response or sentiment, but it is a tad bit frustrating. I mean, just because we men don't post clever cryptic updates like, 'I'm 25 weeks and lovvvve pistachio ice cream', or change our profile pictures to a different member of the cast of "Sons of Anarchy" every other day, doesn't mean we don't deserve our cause to stand up for, and represent. It just so happens we got something that's not entirely as glamorous, or mainstream, as other causes. No, we were gifted the cause to end all causes, that compound tubuloalveolar exocrine gland of the male reproductive system...the prostate. Well, and colon cancer awareness, but that's only because we've been called a**hole so many times, we just kind of adopted it as our own.

I get it. I'm no different than the next guy, but it is what it is; God's sense of humor at work and we need to pick up the ball, run with it (shameless sports reference) and reach our goal of awareness in the male population, along with prevention and, potentially, a cure. I don't know if either of the previous two scenarios are realistic, but I do know the issue is manageable, without going into a lot of medical mumbo jumbo that the latent member of our far inferior gender would only scratch his head, or nether regions, in a futile effort to understand.

It's all about sucking it up, and getting the screenings, gentlemen; one, which is not that far removed from the Roto-Rooter guy coming out and snaking your clogged drainage pipes, and the other just about as much fun, but not nearly as invasive. Nevertheless, it needs to be taken seriously, and it needs to be done. If not for yourself, and your personal longevity, for your family and those closest to you. Call your doctor and schedule an appointment (it's covered in the Obamacare package-I think) today, while your neck is still mercilessly itchy and it's at the forefront of your thoughts.

And ladies? While our "movement" may not bring to light, "shades" of Ryan Gosling dancing shirtless on our pillow top mattresses, or a virile lumberjack clearing a path to freedom, it is important...to us. Turn the other cheek, and allow us these 30 days to celebrate our manhood in its purest form, and possibly save ourselves, from ourselves, in the process.

Until tomorrow,

Scott

...And The Greatest Of These Is Love

Ask yourself...is there a force more powerful? Hate, anger, rage; these words are all singular by definition. But love? Love encompasses each of these emotions, as well as compassion, kindness, selflessness and a host of others. And, has there ever been anything more disarming than the by products of this indomitable emotion, such as a warm smile, a kind gesture, or a pleasant word?

With everything that's wrong with the world, doesn't it make sense to strive for something better? To do something right? We get so caught up in the next venture, or appointment, or message that might get missed. We speed through life as if our God will be impressed with the fact that we refuse to be idle; that we always strive for more out of life, to be the best. But at what cost?

Some people get it. Most of us don't. At least, not until an unspeakable tragedy has struck our family, or hit awfully close to home. But, why? Why is it so easy to lash out with negativity, instead of lending any given situation to the appropriate perspective? Are we so jaded as a society, to think this emotion is not real, or to be left behind for those who are weakest among us? Or is it the strong that truly understand what it means to love and be loved?

I will be the first to tell you that I would be a complete hypocrite to say I practice this rule, or action to the fullest. Truth be told, I fail; and I fail miserably. But what I refuse to do is give up, because God sees there is light in my soul. He sees that somewhere through all of the hardness, caused by years of failings, there is promise and He has never given up on me.

Did you know it takes 17 muscles to smile and nearly 43 to frown? Why do we work so hard to display an emotion that is so counterproductive to anything we deal with in our daily lives? There are so many demands, and so much stress placed on each of us every day that it would seem to make sense to seek out some form of an outlet to these distractions, some escape. Yet, more often than not, the exact opposite is the end result. We're a little too impatient with the guy that sits a tick too long at the green light, or the person who rushes into the bank right in front of us just so they don't have to wait. Or perhaps we mutter bad words under our breath when the mom comes hurrying out of the store, nearly running into us, or the rude shopper who takes at least 20 items through the express lane. Why do these incidents affect us so negatively? Because we have been programmed to react in these given situations by those around us, and others we see react similarly. All this proves is that we are not in control of our lives, and what kind of way is that to live?

The next time you are confronted by a similar circumstance I would challenge you to view the moment through the other individuals' eyes. Try to imagine what may be happening in their lives to make them react this way. Think about some of the things that affect the way we interact on a daily basis, accept the humanity of the offense and alter your mindset. Try holding the door for the person, in just a little bit more of a hurry than you; assist the harried mom on her way out the door. Wave politely to the man as he pulls away, obviously embarrassed he has caused such an inconvenience to someone else. Be kind. It will make you feel better...guaranteed.

People are seeking out someone who will listen. They want desperately for someone to care. Displaying these characteristics, even for the briefest of moments, can cultivate an unimaginable result, mainly because it is not the norm. People want non-conformists. We all need non-conformity. Dare to reach out and help where it is needed, and mostly unexpected. Perform a deed which is simple in practice, but exceptional in spirit. Have faith in your fellow man, hold out hope for the power of people...and love; the greatest, most simple gift we can give to another.

Until tomorrow,

Scott

Change Your Mind (Bully-Free Forever)

In order to affect change,

You've got to rearrange,

The thoughts in your mind,

And when you do, you will find,

Hope.

This will allow you to cope,

When you're riding the slippery slope,

Between heaven and hell,

And you feel you can't tell,

Anyone.

No one will listen,

Another child has gone missing;

Forever lost,

They didn't count the cost,

Of life.

That in order to keep on living,

You've got to keep on giving,

And Cymplify,

Don't indemnify;

There's no need.

To recognize the bully,

You need to recognize fully,

It's your child to protect,

From cause and effect,

And harm.

There's wrong and there's right,

But don't fight;

Or do,

Because you,

Make the difference.

Life isn't fair,

Show them you care;

And share

To make aware,

Of the problem.

In order to win,

We must begin,

To educate and eradicate,

And alleviate,

The torture and violence.

Free their souls,

Own the tolls,

Of this behavior;

Be their savior,

And parent.

Celebrate winnings,

And new beginnings;
Denounce endings,

By amending,

The way we think...and act.

Change Your Mind

Scott

Thank you Ken, for reaffirming my passion for the fight, putting font to the page, and for recognizing we don't speak with our mouths, we speak with our hearts...

Bully-Free Forever-This Makes It Real

Today, I'm going to get out of the way and allow this entry to stand on its own merit. Thanks Lynn, for sharing. You'll always be the big sister I never had.

October 10, 2013

Robey Elementary Administration:

I am writing to you today on behalf of Makenley Deuschle.  I have never met Makenley, but then I don’t need to.  I know his father, Scott, and have known him since he was in Elementary School.  He was a friend and classmate to my brother.  I always liked Scott.  He was witty and a generally nice kid.  I even took him to see Bruce Springsteen when I was in college (small lapse, on my part).

I have an intimate connection to Makenley, even though we have never met.  I have 2 children from Russia.  My husband & I went to Russia in 1998 to adopt our son, and in 1999 to adopt our daughter.  During that time, I had lost contact with Scott and was busy loving, and trying to raise, 2 very different Russian orphans.  All my husband and I wanted were children to love, no matter the risk or consequences.  Thankfully, I found Scott again, on face book, and was introduced to his wonderful kids.

We were told our son would be “slow”, at best, but we brought him home, loved and nurtured him.  To our surprise, and good fortune, he was/is a very bright child, full of life, energy, endurance, and the world is his to conquer. All this, despite being diagnosed as “failure to thrive” upon his arrival to the US.  Our daughter, Tonia, was not so fortunate.  Her mother and father drank.  She was underweight, born with a horrible infection, and spent the first 45 days of her life, alone in a hospital.  After 7 months of neglect by her parents, the Russian courts removed her from her family and placed her in an orphanage, where she remained until she was 2 ½ years old.  No parenting; no love; no direction.  Just another child in a room of 15.

Tonia struggles.  She is socially awkward and immature.  She has never really had a “friend”.  She struggles in school.  She has frequent outbursts in school, and does not really fit in anywhere.  She looks like anybody else, but she is absolutely NOT like anyone else.  Her deficits are mental, psychological/cognitive and emotional.  It is terrible, & my heart breaks often.  Sometimes, she is really hard to love, but love her we do.  And we will continue to love her until the day when we are no longer here.  She is our daughter.

School is her “worst” place to be.  She doesn’t fit in.   She likes to dress differently.   She “clings” to friends and smothers them.  They think she is strange.  When she can’t get her schoolwork done, or has trouble concentrating, or gets frustrated, she acts out.  The kids think she is weird and call her names.  Oh, we’ve been to Psychiatrists, Social Workers, Speech Therapists, Play Therapists, Psychologists, Reactive Attachment Specialists, and so on.  No one can really “pinpoint” her problem, but she does have a diagnosis of Expressive Language Disorder (plus and IEP), since the 1st grade.  She is on medication now for anxiety and ADHD.  Today she is much better, but it has NOT been an easy road.  Being a teenager and trying to fit in with hormonal children has been particularly difficult.  When she cut her hair short this year, she was tormented and teased, called a boy, called names, etc.  We counseled and guided her about what to do.  No one at school was really aware, until the day she “exploded” and told her entire class (at the top of her voice) where they could go and what they could do.  Yes, I got the call from the school about her behavior, and was informed they had no idea she was being teased.  Yep, she held it all in until she couldn’t take any more.  She “let them have it”!  She didn’t get in trouble, and the 2 worst kids were reported to the principal and to their parents.  Things quieted down, for awhile.

Kids don’t “want” to be different.  Special needs kids don’t “ask” to be different.  Some kids don’t have the skills, or the parents, or the support, or the ability to “fit in”.  They just want to belong and feel “included”.  These children are the victims.  I know there are hundreds of children in one school, there isn’t enough supervision, that teachers don’t see everything.  I have a family full of educators, so I know ALL about it.  But, I have a daughter who has had pain.  She has come home crying and wants to know why people make fun of her, and why she has to be so different.  We talk about how God doesn’t make mistakes, but she doesn’t want to hear that.  She just wants to belong.  When your child comes home and finally opens up about how much she hates herself and thinks it would be better if she wasn’t here, that’s when you “really” wake up.  As a parent, YOU want to hurt someone.  You want them to feel the pain.  But you know it’s wrong.  But all you know is that your child feels like it would be easier if they weren’t here.  They just want to be anywhere, but here.  When you hear that from your child, YOU eventually break into tears yourself.  It is THE worse feeling ever.  I would do anything to take their pain.

I have gone on for far too long.  I am educated.  I am a Nurse Practitioner with 28 years of service.  I say service, because I am a caregiver.  When people hurt, I hurt.  I have worked in the Pediatric ICU, and seen a child beaten by their parents.  It’s no wonder some kids turn out the way they do.  We can’t change every child or patient, but I will continue to try with all that I am to make a difference in every person that I meet.  It’s a hard job, and a lot of the time it can be thankless.  But, when you make a difference to one person, it makes it all worth it.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you.  Thank you helping, and loving, and supporting Makenley.  It may be hard to focus on one child, but maybe that one child is the one you will make a difference for.  You may be the one who helps them over that hill.  You may build their confidence.  They will know you are there for them.  On behalf of all children who suffer because of a bully, I thank you for all you do to “stop this insanity”.  We can’t lose anymore of our “special” kids.  If we don’t stand for them, who will??

Sending you thanks for your work with children.  Sincerely,

Lynn M. Allmond

Share To Make Aware,

Scott

Share To Make Aware

That seems to be the recurrent theme here lately, what with all of this "Box Tops Against Bullying" stuff going on. Now it appears we've managed to morph into something that to this point had been unimaginable: a foundation against bullying, with an emphasis on special needs children. But that's for another blog entry, another day.

So, what does it all mean? You see me preach it, nearly daily, certainly ad nauseam...but why? Why am I so persistent, so insistent, that people pay attention, and act? It's simple on two counts: 1) Because I don't ever want to receive another message telling me that a child had chosen to 'give up', when I could have done more. It's happened. And 2) Because it's so simple in its fundamental practice. Clip (or tear) a 'Box Tops For Education' box top off a product (I've previously provided the link to their web address) and drop it off to a friend who might already be participating, or a collection site, currently locally in Gainesville, Florida, or invest in a stamp and put it in the mail. You all have the address; use it. 1, 2, 5, 50, 500... It doesn't matter, because it does matter. Every single one, matters. It allows us to say to the teenager who's had enough, that 'we've got your back'. It allows a young boy, or girl, with any type of developmental, or neurological impairment to interact with their peers without being singled out, or picked on because they are different, because they know we won't allow it. Different is beautiful; different deserves to be celebrated.

I went to school with a lot of friends, who attend a lot of churches, which have a lot of youth groups, which have a lot of teenagers, who eat a LOT of food. We all do. We all have families and friends who gather, just to be together; and we eat. Make them earn it. Charge them General (Mills) admission to attend your buffet. Why not? You can do it. We can do it. We are doing it, but this is only the beginning. Great things are on the horizon, and the box tops will always remain a cornerstone in our mission. Why? Because everyone can take part, and both the children and the schools can benefit. This isn't merely about an 11-year-old boy coming to me baring his demons. That would be masking a symptom instead of curing the disease. This is about children suffering; children that can't otherwise defend themselves against the aggression of others and need someone to reach out, and help. It could be your child next. It has been mine.

I promised you I would beg, borrow and steal, (figuratively speaking, those of you in law enforcement) and I have done so. And I will continue to do so, until there is no longer a need for me to run a foundation, or clip box tops for this purpose, because people have woken up, have made a conscious choice to live by the Golden Rule, instead of turning it into some sort of therapeutic mouthpiece, to ease a guilty conscience. We know the problem exists and shake our heads in mourning, almost nightly, listening to another talking head tell us about some poor child, in our communities who decided it just wasn't worth it anymore. It's time to stop shaking our heads and start shaking trees. Confront the problems where they exist, instead of standing by idly as another invaluable member of the human race is cast aside. 

I've given you the vehicle; use it to support Makenley, your child, your neighbor's child, all of the children. But, please take your heads out of the sand, please internalize the problem; make it personal. Please take action, and...

...share to make aware.

Scott

Makenley Deuschle
C/O Robey Elementary
8700 W. 30th St.
Indianapolis, In. 46234

Flying The Un-friendly Skies

This is the story of two men, Peter the Pilot, and Sven Devinjensen; yes, S.D. It seems Mr. Pilot, we'll call him Peter, was having a very bad day (or late night, almost early morning). Mr. Devinjensen, heretofore known as Mr. D, was going through the paces of setting up his "freight off load operation", or FOO, when Peter came storming out of the crew door of his twin engine baby behemoth, and straight toward Mr. D. 
Mr. D, always quick with a smile and a kind word, greeted Peter with his standard gratuitous salutation, "Good evening, Sir. How are you this fine evening?" 
Well, you would have thought this was the match that burned down Atlanta, when Peter shot back at Sven with a gruff, "Are you in charge of this operation?!" 
"Why, yes sir", replied Mr. D proudly, although a bit taken aback by this aggressive response to the most polite of introductions. 
"Well, you need to get your "stuff" together", shouted the pilot. "Do you see this?", he queried as he thrust a paper printout with a lot of circles and stars, produced by the finest of ball point pens, into the chest of Mr. D. "This is the time I arrived at this gate", he spewed wildly, poking his finger at the paper, nearly gorging it in the process, spoiling the integrity of the "evidence", later to be procured by Sven (I said this guy was a pilot, not a genius). "I've been sitting here for T-W-E-N-T-Y MINUTES waiting for a stair team." "WHERE..IS..MY..STAIR TEAM?!?" 
Now, searching for an adequate response to such a ridiculous question, Mr. D reflected on the work that he had been doing for his special needs son, Manfredly, and how he had been promoting a positive attitude when dealing with others, and always remaining respectful under any circumstance, when he answered, "Well, sir, when I saw you hanging out of the cockpit window waving frantically attempting to get my attention, I can only assume, I got on the radio right away and let the control tower know you needed a stair team at this gate, the furthest point away from any known civilization on the ramp, right away." "That is really all of the involvement that I have in this situation, as I have a very specific task to complete, in a very specific set of time parameters. I'm sure they will be here soon." 
"Well, this is "farging" bull "snot"!!!" "I should be in my "falooting" hotel right now, sleeping!!!" 
With face turning red, breathing getting shallow and hands steady, Sven looked at Peter and, thinking of Manfredly, the only possible thing to keep him from going 'Ali' on his new friend and losing his job, and hence his family, calmly replied, "I'll be happy to explain this awful situation to the appropriate manager, to ensure this never happens to another "bush" pilot, ever again." 
"Well, WHO IS YOUR M-A-N-A-G-E-R???!!!???", he spewed forth with a fury that would have made Katrina look like a Girl Scout late for her cookie deadline. 
"My manager is Branford McDowell, but the person we need to talk to? Yeah, that I'm not so sure about." 
As he spun away on his heels, leaving smoldering rubber on the pavement of 'my...um, Mr. D's gate', leaving you with the immediate impression he thought he'd landed in Tokyo, or a high quality reproduction in Davenport, Iowa, to film the 5th installment in the Godzilla series, "Godzilla versus Peter the Bush Pilot", he turned back over his shoulder and screamed, "This is bull "short"!" 
With this, Sven maturely turned away and went about his duties in a highly professional manner so that he could uphold his promise of delivering, 'The universe as quickly as humanly possible, under any given circumstance'.

The moral of this story? None of us are immune to bullying and the effects it has on others, especially children. Sven Devinjensen is a 46-year-old man who can defend himself, but so many affected by the continual harassment, and inhumane treatment they receive at the hands of these individuals, cannot. Perhaps Peter was having a very bad and will eventually reflect back, while he's washing dishes at Denny's, on the choices he made during this brief exchange. We are all accountable for our actions, and those actions have consequences. As adults to the children who continue to suffer, we need to expose the indecent behavior, the sources of this behavior and show the aggressors that without the proper response to appropriate guidance and discipline, the consequences they suffer long term will be severe as well. People deserve the best we have to give every day; children the most. Their attitudes and personalities are a direct reflection of who we are as their life mentors. Can we afford to give them less than our greatest effort? Ever? Do your part. Own your responsibility. It's time.

Share to make aware,

Scott

The Movement Has Begun

"They make fun of the way I talk, and nobody will help me." This one simple, agonizing, innocent phrase has changed the course of our lives forever, and begun a movement which has transformed into a living, breathing entity. 

The support for our son, and others like him, has been overwhelming. We have been witness to a multitude of people coming together for one common goal: alleviate the threat of bullying in our schools and communities. I had no realistic expectations for this thing. I thought, 'I'll ask a few friends for some box tops, so he can at least show an effort in the fund raising for his school and I'll call it a show of support for his emotional troubles, just to make the administrators at his school aware'. Well, as luck, God, or whatever would have it, the people in our extended families and friends' network wouldn't have it. We have received box tops from hospitals, universities, special needs schools, friends, friends of friends, and yes, even a nationally renowned rock-n-roll band.  We've had a national organization for families 'ask' if they could be a part of our endeavor, and have asked me to be present to field questions and discuss our situation and mission, at a meeting in Gainsville, Florida next month, while we're there on vacation. The developments have been swift and steady. I just hope I'm ready for this ride.

If there's one thing I've learned in all of this, it's that, while some people are still stupid, the majority are wonderful, caring and selfless individuals, and we have all been affected by this blight on society in some form or fashion in our lives. Truth be told, I've actually learned a lot of things, but I just don't ever like to give the impression that I don't know it all. One of these things is that if you dedicate yourself to something, and show conviction, people will respond. The last thing any of us needs, is something else to occupy our time, but persistence and ownership, through an emotional purchase, leaves us no choice but to be involved. And the degree of involvement doesn't have to be all-consuming; that's the beauty of what we're doing. If you eat, and are strong enough to tear through cardboard, or cellophane, and mail letters, or know someone who's already involved...you can help. It literally takes less than two minutes to make an impact, to affect change. I know, I've timed it.

Heading into October, National Anti-Bullying Month, we are coming to an important crossroad in our continued development. It's critical now, more than ever, to make the next move, or take the next step, whatever that may be. For me, it will be to flame the desire to follow my calling, and fulfill the promise of a duty I've sought out for over 30 years. That will include speaking to groups, reaching out to additional outlets, media and otherwise, bending the ears of anyone who will listen, and those who have not. And it will include my begging, borrowing and stealing to ensure I make every single possible effort to make this mission an inconceivable, unexplainable, unimaginable success, for Makenley and his 'friends' around the country.

Be prepared, good people. We're just getting started. The train is gaining momentum and I don't see it slowing down any time soon. What I ask of you is simple: show support for our son, or anyone you know who has been subjected to this heinous, learned behavior. Stand behind us in our fight to eradicate these unconscionable acts from our schools, our neighborhoods...our lives. Take the time to clip even one box top, to help empower the movement. You are the ones that make it happen; we merely provide the vehicle. The children deserve our attention in this matter. They deserve our 'A' game, our greatest effort. The children deserve to be "free".

Share to make aware...

Scott

You can mail your box tops and a simple note of encouragement (this will require an additional minute) to:
Makenley Deuschle
C/O Robey Elementary
8700 W. 30th St.
Indianapolis, In. 46234